The Game Will Not Be Made Up: Page 27

Jimmy pushed me away from the umpire and began barking in my place. I turned my rage from the umpire to Jimmy. I stepped behind him, out of his sight, then swung the bat I was holding like I was going after a hanging curveball. I connected with the back of his right knee and made it explode. Home run! An ambulance had to come on the field to transport Jimmy to the hospital. I was kicked out of the game. I went to the hospital to visit Jimmy. I had flowers for his wife, Michelle, as well as pictures, video and audio of Jimmy's exploits on the road. I knew Michelle wanted a divorce and the information my private investigators had uncovered would help her immensely in the proceedings. Don't worry, she's repaid me often since then. She moved to New York and I fuck the hell out of her every time I'm in town.

"Why," he asked repeatedly while moaning in anguish as soon as he saw me enter his room. He sounded like Nancy Kerrigan after Tonya Harding's crew injured her knee.

The chief doctor told me moments earlier Jimmy was sedated but conscious. I promised I wouldn't touch him. Besides, I didn't have a bat with me. The doctor didn't think that line was as funny as I did.

"Don't ever get in my way during a fight," I answered, "And don't ever piss me off. Ever!"

"That's my job," he said.

"Not anymore. If you don't quit today, I'll bust your other knee."

"I'll sue you!"

"If I ever think you're serious about that, I'll ruin you."

"What?"

"I was going to tell the owner this after the season but I'll tell you now. Either you go immediately and quietly or I'll have Michelle use the pictures and tapes I just gave her."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're a bigger horndog than any player I've ever seen. But you're also the least discreet. Blockbuster doesn't have as many videos on stock as I have of you fucking anybody in sight."

"How could you..."

"A lot of those women were paid by me to service you. While you were sporting a woody, they were sporting wires, lipstick cameras and camera phones. Don't worry, I think one or two of them might have fucked you for free. My private investigators did the rest."

"I tried to help you, Paul."

"Then do what I tell you and quit. You need to help me how I want to be helped."

"But I'm the manager. You should fucking respect me."

"Those days are over. I want a new manager. Since I'm worth more than you, I'm going to get my way. People pay to watch me, not you. You're expendable. I'm important."

"I'll have you arrested for assault."

"First off, I contributed $50,000 to the DA's last campaign. If he presses charges, I'll spend $20 million getting him out of office and he knows it."

"You busted my knee in New York, not Montreal," Jimmy interrupted.

"I've given $50,000 to the DA in every National League city," I retorted. "Sixteen cities, $800,000. Small price to pay to do whatever the fuck I want. As I was saying, even if he is that stupid, you'll be the one put on trial, not me. Besides, you and I both know courts go easy on crimes committed by athletes in stadiums. Do you really think I can't find one juror to let me off? Sign a few autographs for the judge's kids. Remember, local judges are elected officials. Do you really think one wants to get on the wrong side of me?"

"Wait until everyone hears about this."

"Who says they haven't already? The only one around here who thinks you're not an asshole is you. By the time I left the clubhouse to see you, I had $75,000 from guys ready to pay my fine for me. I'll be just fine as long as I get people out."